“Real Tantra is not a technique but love. It is not technique but prayer. Is not head-oriented but a relaxation into the heart” Osho
Osho also said that while many books have been written about Tantra, the reality of Tantra needs to be ‘imbibed’ and that to imbibe Tantra you will need to transform your whole approach to sex.
Research shows that there are many misconceptions about Tantra and yet an ever deepening interest in the subject as it pertains to the healing and strengthening of relationships.
The word ‘Tantra’ originates from the word ‘tan’ which means ‘to spread, extend, manifest from’. Tantra is a Sanskrit word and describes the continual expansion of energies in and around us. When we apply the word to relationships it takes on other meanings and is imbued with a sense of mysticism as it describes the link between us and the world that we live in.
Tantra helps us unlock energy within to tap into to achieve a higher understanding of ourselves and the world we are linked to. In this way you may discover or re-awaken your own sexuality. Once you have discovered and connected with this source of inner energy it empowers you.
A traditional definition of the word ‘Tantra’ is “A type of mystical teaching set out mostly in the form of dialogues between a cosmic couple… between God and Goddess Shiva and Shakti, the male and female Tantric adepts which were written down and became known as Tantras.” It is said that these ‘Tantras’ or dialogues were intimate revealing sexual secrets as well dialogue on other topics.
There are also sacred Hindu and Buddist scriptures known as Tantras which give instructions on a wide range of topics from technology to spiritual knowledge as the belief is that science and mysticism are parallels.
Tantra in heterosexual relationships explores the inner balance between our own male and female sides and how they reflect on our partners in life. It is understood from Buddism, Taoism and even Jung, that this exploration offers a balancing necessary for a man and woman to connect deeply in love and sex.
Practitioners in relationship Tantra advocate the ‘oneness’ that is attained through simple tantric exercises such as the inhalation of your partners breath and its transformation into conscious energy within your own body, having a space that is yours as a couple to share in, seeing your partners eyes and expression during love making and harnessing the sexual energy that is created during foreplay.
It is now becoming more common for couples to seek out channels to learn and experience Tantra in their relationships through holidays and retreats. One such holiday programme is promoted by Deva Premal and Miten and held in Corfu or Costa Rica. Other such retreats are hosted throughout the world and not all in such exotic locations.
Rafia Morgan is a highly qualified and experienced spiritual therapist and teacher. He now offers courses on couples Tantra and he sees the essence of relationships in their duality and teaches couples to seek alignment with their masculine or feminine essence.
“The magnet of energetic polarity between man and woman is something we can learn to appreciate, strengthen and consciously cultivate. It becomes the very ground we function at our best from. When we are cut off from polarity we usually feel a sense of vagueness in ourselves and our relationships become difficult. When we are aligned we feel attractive, vibrant and radiantly happy in our relationships.”
These courses offer to:
Teach couples to use the healing and sacred power of the voice to meet and melt with the other on a deep level
Teach couples to strengthen and enhance their sexual polarity in their relationships
Open to intimacy with their partners
Open channels of energy in the body and learn to circulate that energy with a partner through conscious love making
Be introduced to a vision and understanding of tantra
Learn tantric meditations and practice
For many couples, sexuality becomes habitual in their relationship after a few years and sometimes, one or both, feel dissatisfied with themselves or their partners. This in itself can lead to guilt, blame and frustration leading to separation mentally and physically.
Most couples therapists agree that in most instances it is simply that the couple has ‘drifted apart’ but for Tantra therapists it is more about the couple or either party, not being consciously in the relationship and this reflects in their love making habits creating a lack of true intimacy and spiritual communion.
The other issue that affects relationships in this way is one of modern living. Quite simply our gender roles and expectations are muddled. As Rafia Morgan puts it, “Often the women are better men than the men and the men are better women than the woman.”
In today’s society gender roles have steered away from the traditional causing feelings of inadequacy or even anger. The balances between the male and female have been upset and values more difficult to hold on to. As in nature, relationships need two polarities. The more strength that lies between these polarities, the stronger the energy that is needed to nurture and sustain the sexual conjoining and tantric practice.
For each of us, connecting with our own sexuality is an ongoing journey and, at times, a difficult one. This is especially hard when one of you feels the lack of interest from the other. It’s a difficult topic to discuss with your partner and for some, it is never discussed and the relationship evolves into a platonic one that harbours resentments and ‘lost opportunities’.
Tantra Mantra is the lovely phrase that describes a retreat offered to couples who are looking to re-awaken their relationship through a deeper understanding of their own polarity and role within the relationship harnessing the power of voice vibration, tantra, meditation, song, music and love.